Tuesday, 28 July 2015

The Cross

The stamping of feet in my head increases steadily as does the screaming voice, "But I don't want to!"

I don't want to carry this cross anymore,
I want to hand it back,
I have had enough.

It's not what I would have chosen anyway,
God got it wrong,
Does He really know what He is doing?!

These thoughts have tormented me today.

  Just for today I cannot see the sense in the suffering and I really do question my place here on earth.  Did I really come into being just for the sole purpose of being a sick person, an unpaid carer and a voice crying in the wilderness?

The frustration rankles me and what peace there may have been at the beginning of the day, has for sure waned by the day's end.

Then in the silence of the writing these words won't let me go:

BE STILL

Be still and know:

That I am God.
That I love you.
That My Son gave His life for you.
That all is not lost.
That I see your pain.
That I am with you every moment of every day.
That in your darkest moments I Am The Light.
That nothing is wasted.
That I make all things new.
That all will be revealed.
That there is an answer to your why?

Keep hoping, keep trusting and keep your eyes on ME.

Your loving Father in Heaven x 

6 comments:

  1. San,

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and pain. I am so very sorry you are having such a difficult time. Trust. Yes. God has connected us together and so I can pray for you today as always. I pray your peace returns. Sending much love and hugs. xxx

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    1. Thankyou for your love and friendship :-). Writing it all down really helped and those words spoken to me in my heart were such a comfort. Peace returned and I slept well!

      San xx

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  2. I am so sorry the camp did not work out, I have been praying for Benedict. But just look at the bright side: He loves you and he misses you. Where would he be without you? Maybe when he is a bit older it will work out.

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  3. I hear you San. I am so sorry you have been struggling. It is such a challenge to live this way. I understand: I became profoundly disabled five years ago from a brain tumor and am now primarily homebound, and battle chronic pain and fatigue (added to my physical disabilities). At long last I am on govermentt disability benefits, but it took five years. Phew. I am blessed to be anle to carry on raising and homeschooling my children. ..... There are days that are so hard and being disabled has me in tears. I get so lonely, fo sure. I lean so hard on God!! I know that He can carry me! :-) And my faith makes such a difference.

    Love and prayers for you.

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    1. Thankyou for the encouraging words and prayers x

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  4. i send you love san. you are always in my prayers and i hope that you are having easier moments right now. i also wish i could stop by for a cup of tea and talk with you :) so it's good you wrote it down here and i can send you a big hug xoxoxoxo

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